Life? or Just Another Game of Improv?

Oh Shakespeare, Why did you have to be so damn right?

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 23:59:30 GMT

"When sorrows come, they come not single spies /But in battalions."
Okay, so the summer of shitty things can officially end NOW! I am sick and tired of lying on my bed in pile in tears every weekend and barely making it through the week days.
I feel completely deserted, though I know that is not entirely true, but close. And I know many of my friends can't help it since they are back in their home countries. Still it would be nice to see a friendly face.

Graduation

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 05:29:45 GMT

I graduate university tomorrow, and I honestly have no idea how I feel about that. Happy, sad, terrified, excited, proud, nervous. I know I would probably have a better idea if I had any idea what I am going to do for the rest of my life ... or even for the next few year.
It is hard to believe that four years have gone by already. Everything sort of blends together and yet every year is very distinct. Freshman year: the start of something (even if it wasn't something I would finish), the year I really took chances. Sophomore year: my "dark year", I made a lot of mistakes and tried very hard to be two people I definitely wasn't. Junior year: the year everything changed, the year I had to start by climbing out of the hole I had dug for myself and somehow wound up the best I had ever been since school started. Senior year: the beginning of something completly different, something that would actually work out this time.
Not able to wrap my head around everything that is happening I asked myself:"what were some of the highlights?"
- LUIT, walking into that rehearsal was the best decision (mistake) I ever made
- Steph and Katy coming the first LUIT show and winning (if memory serves) a Survivor game and then us trying to play that game later
- Staging managing for Actors from the London Stage
- That first 24 hour play fest, even if it kinda sucked somewhere around hour 20
- My job, I really loved the job I had for three years here on campus as a department admin. assistant
- London, everything about it (the good and the ... bad)
- My senior project, yeah it was hell at times but in the end it looked damn good
- Game theory class, the day I realized I had finally found something I not only loved doing, but that finally I was also really good at

I wish I knew what the next big thing was, but I guess I will just have to wait until it happens.

Angry Eyes

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:49:00 GMT

It astounds me how disrespectful some people can be. I would have thought it was not just school policy but also common c0urtesy to ask your roommates before your boyfriend moved in, but I guess you don't even have to tell them.
Sorry about the rant, I am just super frustrated now, cause I haven't felt comfortable in my own room for over a week now and I am trying to find the calm to study for that one last exam.

I'm sorry, I really thought we were past this ...

Mon, 18 May 2009 19:25:10 GMT

So, strange feelings I have been having lately. I have for some unknown reason been missing my ex-boyfriend recently. I have no idea why. I hadn't thought of him in months and now all of a sudden I find myself wishing I could talk to him.
For nearly two years now I have been resigned to the idea that I might very well never fall in love again, and for almost two years now I have been completely fine with that fact, happy really. I was actually relieved I would never have to feel like that again; I enjoyed feeling somehow like I was less vulnerable. Now all of a sudden out of the blue I think I want to feel like that again ... WTF!?!?

TRIVIA!!!

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 14:05:26 GMT

So, for those of you not familiar with the Great Midwest Trivia Contest, it is a 50 hour trivia contest broadcast via the internet from LU one weekend every January. We are currently in hour 30 and none of us have had adequate amounts of sleep. This is all of course made more exciting when the on campus teams are asked an action question. Such as to create a bat signal (there was a Batman themed hour) or measure the distance from the college Main Hall front door to the Conservatory front door in terms of the size of women's size 8 shoes.
In the past hour lack of sleep has led to our team's answering every question in terms of Heath Ledger.
Okay back to the madness...

Admitting Defeat

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 23:36:21 GMT

Okay, so these past couple of days have been less than stellar. Things have not been going great in general, and I have just been under a lot of stress with classes, the senior project and everything else.

Well, today I decided to surrender and drop one of my classes. I admit that overloading this term was probably never the smartest decision in the first place. And I know that dropping the course is what is best for me. My adviser pointed out that it wasn't defeat and my decision showed wisdom on my part. I know that I will wake up in a day or two and feel totally relieved and good about this, but right now I feel like a COMPLETE failure. Honestly, I haven't felt this way since I switched majors sophomore year; I forgot how much it totally sucks.

I just wish this day was over, ... oh wait, haven't even made it rehearsal yet ...

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 03:46:28 GMT

I hope this week is not an indication of how the term is going to go over all.

Our senior project is slowly unraveling. This past weekend we had our ASM and one of our four actors quit, just before start of term. I understand they both had important reasons, but it still leaves us in kinda a bad position. We have auditions tomorrow for ensemble members, but a lot of people won't audition cause they don't consider ensemble parts to be "real roles". People like that really bug me; they don't understand that theatre is a team effort. Oh well, I wouldn't want to work with them anyway.

As for classes. They are a little overwhelming. One of my classes will be working on a statistical analysis for some of the Northern counties in WI, it very well could lead to a published paper. This is a really great opportunity, I just wish it could have come at a less crazy time in my college career. I also have a class, that is being taught by a professor whose narrow mindedness is going to drive me mad.

Despite it all I am actually in a really good mood and I am trying to keep a positive outlook on all of it. It would do no good to hide in fear or anything like that. I keeping telling myself that all these roadblocks and detours just make things more interesting :).

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 03:55:26 GMT

I have seen this around on LJ's a few years in a row now, most recently on myxginxblossoms, so I thought I would fill it out for 2008. Those of you who know me well, probably know it was quite a year for me. That being said, if I had to go back to the beginning and start all over again I don't know that it would look all that different in the end. Because, right now at this moment things are pretty damn good.
(Note: I did cut out a few questions.)

01. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Well ... I worked in a "professional theatre company". I also directed two 10-min plays. I feel like there should be something here that doesn't have to do with theatre, especially since I am trying to convince myself to give it up come graduation ...

02. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. I think if there is something you want to change in your life, do it now, don't wait for a new year to come around. That being said, I am working on being more assertive as a person, a work in progress but I am trying.

03. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not that I can remember.

04. Did anyone close to you die?
My greatgrandfather.

05. What countries did you visit?
None this year, quite a few last year though.

06. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Though question, because I think 2009 will be so different from 2008, in the sense that I will be graduating from uni and starting a whole new life.

07. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Probably my 21st birthday, I had been waiting a long time to be 21.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I don't know, ... more of a college education, that should come in pretty handy down the road.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I can think of a number of people who did things I thought were pretty amazing this year, or things I really appreciated.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
One of my former bosses. Most of you probably know the evening I am referring to.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Once again, that college education thing.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Starting and internship, and Finishing said internship and getting out of there ... lol
Seriously though, turning 21 was big for me, mainly cause I am the baby in my class and it was about time.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I am not sure about any songs written this year, but there was this one I heard for the first time this summer, and listened a lot to during this summer: 'Let Your Troubles Roll By' - Carbon Leaf

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Well, that is a tough question to answer. This time last year, I had just gotten back from school in UK, and all that was pretty awesome. I was, however, also getting over a really tough time, but that in turn led to some really great things. I suppose I would have to say that I am doing better now than I was last time this year. I have learned a lot and have really great friends standing by my side this time around.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Stand up for myself, fight back.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Take crap from people, especially when it had nothing to do with me to begin with.

20. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?
With my family.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Well now, as many of you know, I don't believe in love, that is to say I don't believe in romantic love, which is probably what this question is referring to ... so, no.

24. What was your favourite TV program?
Probably 'The Office'

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, if anything I think I hate less people. I am trying to let the idea of hate go, it is a waste time. The people I would want to hate don't even merit time thinking about, or so I have been told.

26. What was the best book you read?
:) Just one ... impossible!
I read 'When Pride Still Mattered' by David Maraniss, a very interesting biography of Vince Lombardi. Also, currently working on the stories of H.P. Lovecraft, also excellent. 'Maestro' by Bob Woodward - an neat read about the Fed under Alan Greenspan.
However, I read a few books that have to yet to be published, that were written by a friend, and I would have to say they are by far the best I read this year.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Not sure, but Esse probably played it for me. :)

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Ummm ... that requires me to remember the ones I have seen, no fair. I know everyone is saying 'The Dark Knight' and thus it would be totally cliche to say that as well. I do have to say, however, that I was pleasantly surprised, especially considering I usually have trouble with violent movies. I am happy someone finally got me to watch it. :)

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 21, and I spent the evening at the school bar with my roommate, a few friends, and tons of people I had never met before, lol. It was an excellent birthday!

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Umm ... same as always.

34. What kept you sane?
More of a 'who' really. My "older" siblings, so to speak.
One who helped me make it through this summer, and helped me fix the mess it left behind.
One who was always there to catch me when I fell. Without that person I think would have a few more broken limbs by now (figuratively speaking)
One who I have spoken quite a bit as of late, and whose friendship, opinion, and patience I am very grateful for.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I try not to let politics stir me up too much, of course I did keep a close eye on the election this year.

37. Who did you miss?
Not the person I was expecting to miss. Which is something I am very happy about.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Jessica! and all of my other new friends from this summer.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
To fight back, no matter how hard it is. I know when you're a kid they are always telling you to turn the cheek or some nonsense like that, but I learned that if you let people step on you once, they will begin to walk all over you. Better to stand your ground, fight your battles and come out with a few scars, than try to hide in the shadows and become a human sidewalk.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"You've come far and though you're far from the end,
you don't mind where you are, 'cause you know where you've been"
-'Let Your Troubles Roll By' ~ Carbon Leaf

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 19:52:37 GMT

Have you ever read an old e-mail that brought up feelings from the past? I have decided that it officially sucks and I should never read old e-mails again.

A year later ...

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 04:40:56 GMT

Let's see, in the past year I have:
- started my final year of university.
- toured Europe with my father.
- reconnected with old friends.
- made brilliant new friends.
- survived an ... interesting summer.
- started my senior project.
- declared a economics major.
- studied and lived in the most amazing city in the world.
- read some incredible books, ... and some not so incredible ones as well.
- learned more about Vince Lombardi than I ever needed to.
- turned 21 years old.
- stood a top the fortress at the center of Salzburg and saw the world.
- got a new pet.
- played sports with my cousins.
- remembered why I don't play sports.
- cut my hair off and grew it back out.
- moved into a new room.
- saw a lot of plays, worked on a lot of plays.
- decided statistics was a great plan for my future.
- learned statistics was a terrible plan for my future.
- overloaded course for an academic term.
- voted for the first time in a presidential election.
- started learning Mandarin.
- and ... oh yeah, there was this thing about this guy, but i don't even remember why he mattered anymore.

Why?

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 19:15:16 GMT

He dumped me for another girl ... so why I am I still in love with him?!?!? What the hell is wrong with me!?

On thursday night I am going to be seeing sir Ian McKellen play King Lear, in one of my favorite plays ever, with the Royal shakespeare Company, directed by Trevor Nunn and all I can think about is him!!!!

This isn't me! I never cared about what boys thought of me and now all I can think is what is wrong with me? Whay wasn't I good enough!?

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 09:21:54 GMT

Why didn't I listen to my daddy when he told me boys were evil?!?!?

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 20:59:28 GMT

"Dreams get burned down over night." ... Then what ??? Would someone please tell me what I am supposed to do now?

Sick ... and tired

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 21:30:50 GMT

So, I know I disappeared for like ever. Blame abstract algebra. Well, it's over now. Now I am just working on the, what feels like, never ending show about working. I have never been so frustrated, bored, useless, etc. in my entire life. I vow I will never ASM again. ... well at least until next Tuesday.
Anyway, now I am just trying to survive this terms round of classes, awaiting my boyfriends return from Ireland in June. Oh and trying to a) get better and b) not get sick ... AGAIN.
THE END

I give up!

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 23:17:49 GMT

I hate this. I hate feeling like this ALL THE TIME. There is no way I am going to make it through the term if I have to do it feeling this everyday. It is not worth it. I'm giving up!

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 23:36:37 GMT

Why, why, why, why ,why!?

Why?

******************************

'Love has never been known for its rationality.'

NEVER GET HORSES EVER!

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 17:24:55 GMT

You, think they are sweet and nice and you want a pony, but you DON'T. All they bring is depression, fear, pain and other really bad things into you life.

A Proper Update

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 18:58:26 GMT

So, here is a real update then. First things first, the term is over, YAY! After exams on Friday, I went and spent the weekend with my boyfriend in Point. It was an awsome weekend. We watched a lot of Doctor Who and colored fuzzy posters!!!!!! Oh and we ate frosted animal crakers, squeal! Since then I have just been hanging out at home, working on things for my mother, (like baking a zillion cookies) and working on my own secret projects ... hehehe. Actually only one is a secret now, I'm so bad at keeping secrets. lolI can't wait for the 27th. Although vacation should be fun.

Update

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 00:56:50 GMT

Update. There done.

Not exactly the day I imagined, but ...

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 17:32:56 GMT

So, yesturday was my guest appearance with the improv troupe. It went REALLY well and looks as though it will be happening again and will no longer just be a guest thing. YAY!!!!!!!!! All in all it was a pretty good day. A few tears towards the end kinda took the luster off it, but it happens and I am fine now.
Like I said though, the show went well, I had a great time and a lot of energy. We worked pretty well together as team, which is always nice and were able to cover for each other on board. All of my friends came, plus my boyfriend cam e out from Point to see the show, so that was pretty cool. He even conspierd with my roomate to get me flowers. :) But, yes is was a ...good day and a GREAT performance.

Can someone please teach me to listen?!

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 07:03:40 GMT

There are very few times in my life when someone has looked me in the eye and told the honest to god truth and I knew it. One of those few times someone looked at me and said: "The person you can ever make completely happy is yourself, with any others it IS impossible, don't waste your time trying."
Long story short, I took a class this term to make my dad happy and now I am just trying to get out with a non failing grade and any scrap of my dignity that may be left. I was stupid. I didn't listen and I am really regreting that right now!
So, please pay attention to that first bit! It is SO important and SO true.
On Sunday I make my debut as a performing cast member of one the school's best attended small performing ensmbles. That is what I want. (And it feels really good to say that.)

*************************************************

"I saw the things that I love in this world. ... And I looked at the pen and I thought, what the hell am I grabbing this for? Why am I trying to become what I don’t want to be . . . when all I want is out there, waiting for me the minute I say I know who I am."

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 17:01:26 GMT

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Who ever came up with the idea of partners and working on things as a team ... GRRRRRRRRRR!

Well ... At least it wasn't tenth week.

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 00:15:26 GMT

So, this Thanksgiving break was the first time I had brought anyone home with me for the break. My boyfriend came home with me for 4 days to meet my family and all that. It actually went amazingly! Everyone got along really well. My mother ADORES him. My sister tolerates him (she said he was weird, but "like Allie weird" so she is used to it). And he and my dad really seemed to hit it off. And the rest of my mother's family he met really liked him as well.
We had a great time with the exception of my getting sick after dinner at my aunt's house. Friday, wasn't too bad, but Saturday and Sunday were miserable. We were actually back here in Appleton for that last bit. This is when I learned exactly how lucky I am. Because I have someone who cares about me so much that he was a) willing to put up with my stubbornness, whinyness, and tears; b) get up at 7 am to go get crackers cause I am silly enough not to have them in my room; c) never left my side the entire time I was sick!
I may still be sick right now, but I am still SOOOOOOOOOO happy. And despite set backs Thanksgiving break was officially a success.

Why?

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 21:22:06 GMT

Why can't I just not not think about certain things. Why can't there be like an options box where I can just block things out of my head!?

Sat, 18 Nov 2006 20:43:15 GMT

It's Saturday .... Why can't it be Wednesday?

Life? or Just Another Game of Improv?

Oh Shakespeare, Why did you have to be so damn right?

Graduation

*Angry Eyes*

I'm sorry, I really thought we were past this ...

TRIVIA!!!

Admitting Defeat

A year later ...

Why?

Sick ... and tired

I give up!

NEVER GET HORSES EVER!

A Proper Update

Update

Not exactly the day I imagined, but ...

Can someone please teach me to listen?!

Well ... At least it wasn't tenth week.

Why?

Angry Eyes